Tru Dat.

"Nothing can make you happy [but] everything can encourage you to be happy. The world offers encouragement but fundamentally we have to choose it for ourselves. It starts with a choice."

- Robert Holden, Happiness Coach


The experts agree with me. I must be one switched on gal.

I really enjoy ShockOne.

I think that everyone on Facebook is tiring of my "I heart ShockOne" posts so I thought I'd bring it here.

They're just really good, okay.

I lean against the wind, pretent that I am weightless

Today was one of those days, when everything is bright and sparkly and new. When you feel on top of the world for no tangible reason whatsoever. I can't say that these days are a rarity for me by any means but today stood out on its own somehow.

I have that feeling again. The one where I'm standing out on a plain all by myself, embracing the fresh breeze as the storm comes in. It always means a change is happening. Sometimes this change is the subtlest shift on a profound level that no one else can notice but me. I love this. It's a personal thing that cannot quite be described.

I guess it feels a little like this:




I made someone's day today - just by being myself. Cheerful and polite, and maybe a little bit cheeky. It's nice. Also, to be stopped by someone whom you don't often interact with in real life who wants to thank you for your daily online positivity? It makes it all feel worth it. Sometimes wearing that smile may feel like a little effort for some, but treat it like getting dressed. Something you shouldn't feel comfortable leaving the house without first doing so.


Title lyrics taken from Incubus - Wish You Were Here

 

Simba, it's to die for.

It's all too easy to expect too much from people. You cannot blame the other party for this common pitfall.

The truth is, everyone is not like you. In fact, no one is like you.
I guess this is why we are taught to love the element of surprise!

Getting to know you

I'll tell you something about myself: I love people. I automatically like everyone by default and believe each person to be a potential friend. Naturally a little naive, I am always seeking out the best in people and as far as I am concerned, we are all innocent until proven guilty. I would never dislike someone for no reason, and when given righteous grounds I still struggle to move them from column A (awesome) to column B (bad)*. Sometimes this works to my detriment, sometimes I fall flat on my face. I have been kicked, hurt, and bruised in many ways, but ultimately being the kind of person that I am serves its purpose. It makes me happy.

I promise myself to never stop being nice.

*Unless of course, they have bad eyebrows.

You're pounding on a faultline. What'll it take to get through to you, precious?

You think the world is out to get you.
It's not.
Perhaps this is the actual problem -
A wounded soul, seeking attention?


Title lyrics taken from A Perfect Circle - The Outsider

Come on, let's take a look outside!

"Don't look so worried you know
There ain't no hurry
'Cause life's supposed to ebb and flow"

Shihad - Pacifier

It feels like December!

This song sounds like Summer.

It makes me crave being back at the coast on a sunny day. Beachside, then finding yourself at the bar, still covered in sand. French martinis for the heck of it and icy cold beers. Loose before the sun goes down. Surrounded by too many friends, we all just get eachother.

Delicious, beautiful life :)




I love this time of the year. December through to January, yes! I've always proclaimed that I hate Summer as girl can't handle the heat and the humidity (yet still lives in Queensland?), however I see why it's the most fun. Everyone just seems lighter, things look brighter, and I suppose the heat sends everyone a little crazy. That can generally only be a good thing right? Especially in the silly season. Hmm. I do miss home. I talk about this a lot lately. I'm thinking hard, weighing up the pros and cons. Will keep you posted.

A little more, let's make this even

It pains me that a lot of people don't know about Minus the Bear.

I am myself lucky to have found them. A self-confessed J nerd, we all know it, I pick up most of my stuff from my favourite radio station. It's no secret. But I am not fooled, I still know that at the end of the day, any type of mainstream media (yes, even Triple J) is at the mercy of the commercial machine. Because at the end of the day, it's all business.

I'm pretty sure they're actually quite a big band in the states and quite well-known in the indie scene here as far as I'm aware. Anyway, I've loved them for a few years now and this song in my opinion, is one of their best moments.

Lyrically, this song makes so much sense. Just your average give-take, push-shove relationship scenario. This song taught me the term "usury". Cheers, guys!

It's just. That good.




Title lyrics taken from Minus the Bear - Knights

Got a green light, got a green light yeah, but you're going nowhere

That lump in my throat. It's back. I always keep a smile on my face, but running up the downhill escalator quickly becomes exhausting. Or is it my scatterbrained meandering that's lending to the opposite? Do I shrug off all my chances to simply watch the world go by?

Title lyrics taken from Filter - The Best Things

It's not me, it's you

Learn not to take things personally. The way another behaves is a reflection only upon their character, not yours. Not everything is about you.

It was just like the real ones that I saw when I was younger

Yet another song I shall never, ever tire of. It still has the same effect on the 200,000,000th listen as it did the very first time I heard it.

I'm not really a lyrics kind of girl but these stand up on their own.

"It's just another model
Built with plastic and with glue
But every day I go down to the airport
And I fly away from
I fly away from you
I fly away from you."

I've felt like that a million times.
I love the way Paul Dempsey has taken childhood imagination and utilised it to escape what he's alluding to as being a difficult, adult situation. How many times have you wished you could just grow wings and fly away from reality and those who are hurting you? Or even yourself?

Ah, I just love it. Still gives me shivers.




Oh and I got so excited before when I searched for this clip on youtube to embed here and lo and behold, someone had commented regarding the exact scene where this song was used in the Aussie teen TV series, Heartbreak High. Still one of my favourite TV shows of all time and a pivotal moment for the character Ryan Scheppers. Aaahhhh... So sentimental right now. So what if I was like, 12 when that storyline was airing?


Title lyrics taken from Something For Kate - Captain [At a Million Miles an Hour]

Have a break, have a Kit-Kat

It's easy for me to beat myself up until I am black and blue for getting nowhere. I chastise myself because I feel that by my age, this just isn't good enough. I should have done more, achieved more, seen more. I should have more.

Then I take a look around at other ladies in their mid-twenties. I might still be somehow winging it with nothing to show, but others are dealing with marriages falling apart, grappling with killer careers yet feeling lost and empty, or resentful of their screaming children and absent husbands. We all appear to be in some state of disrepair.

I've realised that this is totally okay, because life is all about learning and growing. Whoever wrote the book of rules on how people should live their lives at a certain age, you might want to swing me a copy otherwise I may never believe you. Oh yeah, I didn't think that it existed!

So why are we all so hard on ourselves?

I believe when we stop comparing ourselves to others and realign only with our own personal focus we will cease to worry that we don't live up to some imaginary measure of achievement. Those who have realised this are the ones who are comfortable with themselves and their lives. And their age. This is something I aspire to.

To walk on water you've got to sink in the ice

An oldie, but a goldie. This song is an absolute classic in my book.
For me it's a very powerful song on a personal level. I still remember the day I purchased the album The General Electric. It was the day I became obsessed with Shihad, an obsession which had me in the grips of fandom for the better part of ten years. They are still up there as one of my favourite bands even though I haven't really listened to them for a while. I have an autographed copy of this album that a good friend in high school had them sign for me for my eighteenth birthday. Possibly one of the most thoughtful gifts ever!

This is another of those songs that makes me feel like me again. It somehow reminds me who I am.
When I hear this, I need to get up and jump around the room like a maniac. Even better live!

Enjoy xx

I can't help that I'm amazing!

Refreshed, re-inspired. Reignited.

BOOM!
She's back on track.
I'd almost say that little mini-melt was worth it :)

Somewhere between my beautiful working environment, heart-wrenching text messages of epic proportions, and an absolute motherload of Ferrero Rochers, I found my spark again.

My word it feels good!

Take two steps back

Word of the day: Ambivalence.
A word I've often heard or read yet never actually stopped to think about the definition. I thought that it would perhaps fall somewhere between ambiguous and malevolence. How that could make sense, I am not sure. I finally looked it up. It speaks volumes about me right now.

Song of the day: Muscles - Girls Go Crazy
It's not a fantastic song by any means really (no offence, Muscles, you are heaps of fun and you have other tracks that I really like) but I heard it on the radio this morning and it reminds me of a ridiculous night with my crew seeing Muscles that we will never forget. We still refer to it as the "Coolangatta fail night". Somehow we look upon spooning on a street corner as the sun comes up as a fond memory? That's love.

I miss my friends and I miss my old life, however I need to remind myself what has lead me to be here and why things are the way they are right now. Everything happens for a reason and this is my journey.


Title lyrics taken from Muscles - Girls Go Crazy

All I hear are these clicking sounds, as they crawl inside my head

Things are looking up on this muggy Tuesday evening. I've been unable to shake a deep blue that rocked up on the weekend but at last it seems to be packing its bags.

I haven't been feeling right for the past few weeks whilst a few inner niggles come to light. These issues aren't the problem, they are symptoms that there is a problem. And it's something that I'm finally ready to deal with.

I'm actually also really struggling with the whole impending birthday thing. Moreso than ever before. When I think about it, my stomach cramps up and I become physically ill. Oh, my heavy heart. I just remind myself to breathe, that it will be okay. Deep down I know I'm being silly but it's a dreadful feeling clinging to everything around me right now. Surely it can't be that bad. It is not that bad. Just chill, Mel. Chill.

In other news:
+ Triple J Hottest 100 voting starts soon, yes yes!
+ I am seriously craving the company of those who know me best
+ The one thing I have the greatest desire to do at the moment which I simply am unable to is to get in the car and just DRIVE! Ohhh I how I long for that.
+ Chocolate seems to squash my stress levels faster than wine these days
+ I'm finding that I look forward to doing my biology study, I wish I could muster the same enthusiasm for maths!

I'll leave you with a song that has been stuck in my head this evening. There is a snippet of lyric (that probably needs to be removed from the song in order to gain the context within which I am using it) that comes into my head when I feel as though I'm recovering from a bout of overall shittiness and beginning to feel like my perky, fabulous self again... Woohoo!

"All colours rushing back, restoring frail life"




Title lyrics taken from Armand Van Helden - Little Black Spiders

Celebrate in a huddle dancing in this rain

The kind of song that no matter what my mood I simply cannot skip once it has started. The kind of song that no matter where I am at, will fix pretty much everything. Refreshingly simple, a definite classic. The kind of song I need in my life right now.




Title lyrics taken from Blackalicious - Make You Feel That Away

The Emperor's New Clothes

Stripped of such a flattering guise, this paralyzing fear presses down heavier. Much more ominous. Like a virus that has changed shape and evolved, a whole new animal. And it's dark out in those woods.

Broken record

There is just no excuse for bad eyebrows.

Like, seriously.

Burning question that plagues me so: do people with bad eyebrows, and I mean BAD eyebrows know that they indeed have bad eyebrows? Surely they cannot realise, otherwise how do they continue about their daily life with said bad eyebrows? Yet surely they cannot be completely unaware of the situation? Hello.

Breezy

No matter how carefully constructed, it's still a house made of cards.

Plight of the single girl no. 138

Your mateship may be solid gold but I promise you that there will be harsh moments of reality when you are reminded that it just doesn't size up. You simply cannot compete against the dynamic of the non-platonic hangouts you have been nudged aside for. Some of these reminders will be more abrasive than others, however gentle the shove you've been dealt.

Study woes

I wish I paid attention in grade 5 long division. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Well in this instance, no! Maths is not my area of strength. I wish I saw numbers as a language, then I could happily mingle with thee. Perhaps I should take numbers out, wine and dine, a little getting to know you exercise?

Ugh. Here I am procrastinating again. Has the novelty of study already begun to fade?

Wise words.

Never complain; never explain.

- Kate Moss


I wish I could be this kind of person.

Inside out should be outside in.

My problem is that I over-vocalise. Everything.

I've previously stated that my thoughts are too loud and I am concerned others can hear them? Perhaps I should be worrying about what's actually coming out of my mouth for starters and work back from there.

Little miss chatty serves only to dig her own grave.

Oops.

You're about to reverse out of the garage. What's your checklist? Surely one of the questions you ask yourself is "are all the doors closed?"

If it was my car, I would still be rolling around on the ground in fits of laughter. This is not my car. This is my sister's car. I don't have a car. Inconvenient to say the least?



FML. Need that second job quick-sticks!

Martha Stewart Moment?

I'm not sure if I've posted before about my lack of cooking expertise that is sometimes smashed aside by an over-zealous enthusiasm as I attempt to whip up a little something-something? Usually to prove something-something? Well last night I had one of these moments. Girl can't even boil an egg (I seriously don't know how!), so what possessed her to believe she could fold eggwhites quickly with a light hand and make a mean macaroon? What's next, Croquembouche? Doubt it.

Here is some photographic evidence of yours truly attempting to make macaroons on a humid Queensland night:







Who doesn't like to cook in their pyjamas? I get super-stressed in the kitchen (most probably due to my insecurity about my lack of ability) so I figured comfort to be paramount! At this stage I'd already deduced that the blobs were too big and we weren't going to achieve anything near perfection. Shrug.







Cooling the shells. Flat and footless. Not beating myself up.







Finished product, yum! Best thing about macaroons? Even if they don't look the part - they still taste legit. Accounting for all factors, I think I did okay when you keep in mind - girl can't even boil an egg!

Dangling feet from window frame, will I ever reach the floor?

And what I thought was solid ground has turned out to be shaky. I pray I can navigate this slippery sheet of ice, have faith that the thinning surface won't crack and plunge me into hypothermic depths below.

Title lyrics taken from Fever Ray - If I Had A Heart

Suck it up, princess.

I have decided to get a second job. My problem is that I value my time. A lot. Above all else. This has to change. Yes it is about balance but girl is going nowhere fast at the moment. So bar work, here I come!

Late to the party?

I've just realised the significance of the date of the September 11 attacks. 911. Creepy.

What the Donna Hay cook book won't tell you

The secret ingredient to happiness is gratitude. Ensure that your pantry is always well stocked so you won't get caught short. Available anywhere you can find a smile.

Reflection, not retrograde

Being seated facing the wrong direction on the train has always been something I simply cannot stand, however today it is okay. I am not looking back, I am reflecting upon the succession of wonderful moments that have forged my path to this very minute. It's a beautiful ride.

Karma

Stop worrying about everyone else's and mind your own. Pay it forward. You will find that when you conduct yourself from a place of patience and kindness, the universe with treat you accordingly.

It's not you, it's me

Single, not looking. Why is this so hard to fathom? I am not interested in you, nor anyone else for that matter - not that it's any of your business. Those close to me may not completely (or even partially) understand, but at least they accept it. I shouldn't have to explain myself to a virtual stranger. Way to make the situation even more embarrassing! Bravo!

Homophobes beware!

It is only in still water that you can see your reflection

The biggest undoing one can unto himself is to not spend any time truly alone. How do you find yourself amongst the clutter? Solitude helps one focus solely upon their own voice. It is a must-have.

And I've just realised that the walls I build around me aren't to keep the others out, it's the only way I can trust myself to stay in.

FTW!

Oh and somehow I haven't mentioned this earlier... Big Day Out THIS!




When the BDO line up dropped and everyone was up in arms about it, I saw one word through the Indie clutter. BATTLES. I'm pretty sure I woke the folks sleeping underground in the cemetary down the road - no kidding.

Not that I have issues with the Indie clutter. I can't wait to see Foster the People amongst others. I'm still waiting for The Shins to be confirmed, however that might be enough to send me straight over the edge.

Feed the fire, break your vision, throw your fists up, come on with me!

I went to Parklife and despite having an awesome weekend, I am disappointed to report that after all the buildup and countdown, it was somewhat anti-climatic. The day and I just got off on the wrong foot to start with - yep, another festival, another hangover. Why do I continue to do this to myself? I should know better. As a result of my untimely lack of foresight, I ended up spending the day with my cranky pants on and I just couldn't shake my foul mood! This wasn't helped when I lost my friends and instead of just enjoying great music, I felt really panicky and sad and left out. My ill-feeling dissipated once I managed to locate familiar faces but I was just not in the festival mode. I had a moment when I thought that time had at last come when perhaps I may be over festivals??

Um, how about:
Hell to the no!
You wish, bank account!

Especially now the Soundwave lineup was announced today - it happens to be that ridiculous that I don't even know where to begin. Get a load of this:


In the real world, I cannot physically and financially afford to hit the festival circuit that I am currently scheming in my head however where there is a will, there is a way. Right?? Stereosonic, Summafieldayze, Big Day Out, Soundwave, Future...
I am just not growing out of this!


(Title lyrics taken from Pendulum - Watercolour)

I'll be working hard to make up for the efforts that I've lacked

I haven't really been posting much lately other than youtube clips of songs I like. For that I apologise. I just don't feel there is much to report, despite the fact that there actually is. Mainly it's all to do with mapping my next steps now that I've finally nailed that 'direction' thing. I am trailblazing the uni path at the moment, getting organised. Getting excited. Moreso now that I am applying for a free program offered by CQU to provide me with the science and maths background I am severely lacking. I dropped science after Grade 9 and despite not opening my text book for an entire term I managed to just pass Maths A. I was definitely a humanities girl, that's for sure. I would have never dreamed that ten years down the track I'd want to do Medical Science. If I kill it, I will be looking at alternative entry straight into the degree I am aiming for and hopefully won't be completely overwhelmed with tertiary level physics. Well, that's the plan.


(Title lyrics taken from Baxendale - I Built This City)

Not so much about what you need; as what you don't need.

One of my ultimate chill out tracks:



It's Friday night. I am home alone. I couldn't be more delighted with my current situation. I am enjoying solitude lately. There is definitely something to be said about not only being comfortable in your own company but actually relishing it. So long as I have tunes, an internet connection, and endless supply of green tea I am in my happy place.

Just another thing wrong with the world

Floating in the breeze

Plans change, flexibility is the beauty of their nature. Nothing is ever set in stone.


Soundtrack for the week:

A favourite moment in my life was Future this year, and this song always takes me back to that happy place.


In honour of the recently announced BDO lineup - heck yes!



And because this became the unofficial song of my Parklife weekend:

The only person treating badly is the one continuing to leave you in an unsavoury situation - you.

Pity me not, for I am different

I've been finding lately that other people struggle with the idea that one would choose to be single and see it as a lifestyle choice. This frustrates me no end. I know they mean well with their sympathetic yet condescending and unnecessary condolences, but I find it all quietly infuriating.

I may be alone, but please hear me loud and clear: I am certainly not registering for the lonely hearts club. Renee Zellweger's godawful portrayal of Bridget Jones is no yardstick, my friend.

It can be very difficult for some to accept that I do not crave relationships on that level. They wish for me to be happy like they are, but they cannot understand that I am happy like I am. I have a different mindset and emotional needs. It's a very personal and individual thing.

I have all the love that I require, and a rock solid emotional independence that can only come from kicking it on your own. It's an empowering kind of freedom and there is nothing quite like it!

Dreaming sharks. Again.

Swimming in murky, shark-infested waters I felt suitably threatened, however when I reached the small marshy island and scrambled ashore - I was more afraid. There was already someone there. Somebody that I used to know.

I knew what to do. With one hefty push, he was in the muddy shallows. I pulled up stumps and floated my little island downstream.

When it comes to the crunch

"At all points in time you are either growing, or you are dying - it's your choice."

- T Harv Eker

Welcome Reality

There is a lot happening right now.
Today I am feeling really good. Amazing, even.

Yesterday I had that wake up call that can happen when you think you're killing it, but someone slaps you across the face and you come to the shocking realisation that in fact - things are kind of shit. I am so thankful for this.

I'm going through a massive growth phase right now and know everything that has happened up until this moment has led me to be right here, right now, ready for what's next. And what's next is big.

Track 12

Screw MSTRKFRAFT, I'll be front and centre screaming for NERO!



How did I miss this on previous listens of the album?

The Ignorant Species

"Homosexuality is found in 450 species around the world. Homophobia however, is only found in one."

- copied from a friend's status on facebook

Music's got me feeling so free!

Overplayed indeed and their other songs grossly underrated in comparison, but this an ultimate feel-good moment.

We're gonna celebrate!

:)

C'mon!

I'm fair excited about Parklife this weekend, it's not a secret. I haven't gotten loose with my friends for over three months now which amplifies my excitement tenfold. I can't wait to drink out of a cardboard Red Bull cup and have an Alpine Fine. Dirty habits die hard, it's a festival-only thing nowdays.


Here's something to help you get in the mood -

Loud Noises

All I did was pick up one of the 'power cushions' she was selling and immediately I am disarmed by her soft European accent:

"You are not very quiet on the inside"

This is rather apparent. I am not very quiet on the outside, no surprises.
Yet her comment still caught me off-guard. Another amongst the cacaphony.

Happy Monday!

You read right, Happy Monday. The two words are not mutually exclusive! If for you they are, perhaps it's time to look at changing your attitude?

My suggestion is to start with a great song - such as this one!

Admittedly the content is a little dark but I guess if the strangely uplifting vibe doesn't pick you up, you'll at least get a little perspective!

Thoughts.

+ Sunday Night's story on Surf Life Saving Australia's negligibility with regards to the tragic death of Saxon Bird seemed quite one-sided in my opinion. Such is standard fare for tabloid trash journalism, I know. I'm not discounting SLSA's responsibility and culpability by any means, I just believe they were vilified in the typically shameful fashion of such 'Current Affairs' shows. Such a sad and unnecessary loss. RIP Saxon Bird.

+ As for the 'Nim Experiment' - disturbing much?! What I find even more horrifying is that we are continuing to train further chimps in captivity to have human-like qualities. I admit that I do find it terribly fascinating, yet it's another prime example that the human race's meddling with nature has gone too far.

+ Speaking of the 'Human Race' - doesn't this term speak volumes in its own right? Doesn't it imply that we are all in fact, one race?

+ It's only six sleeps until Parklife! It's definitely a good thing that I no longer live on the coast as my current levels of excitement would render me a complete pushover should I be tempted to have a big night!

+ I failed on my pledge to have an alcohol free weekend, yet I still spent less than $10 and escaped any hangovers so all is forgiven.

+ I wish I wore sunscreen on my driver's arm today.


Happy Sunday night, hope everyone has had a beautiful weekend!

What would you attempt if you knew you couldn't fail?

Enough said.



(Taken from the movie Facing The Giants)

Because I'm that excited about Parklife!

Nero - Promises



Loving their album Welcome Reality


Nero actually clash with MSTRKRFT. Total suckfest! I'm just going to see how I feel on the day. Nero is just a DJ set, although they did bring their vocalist out. They are also rumoured to be touring Aus again soon so I will factor this into my decision. Like I said, I'm just going to see how I feel on the day!

Shiny new blog!

Kind of.

I'm about to let you know that I have a blog that you are able to locate and read. I don't really know why I do this, you will most probably find my writing here a little inconsistent (both in frequency and content) however I just feel compelled to post regardless. I know my blog would be more successful if it had some conversational direction or at least made chronological sense, but I just like writing in this way. I suppose it is all about me, right?

So here we are, here's my blog for the world to see. And my friends to see. I feel a little exposed right now!

All I Hear Is 'Wah'

The degree of complaining on facewhinge-I-mean-book has become somewhat stupendous.

How embarrassing is it reading a blow by blow account of someone's on-again-off-again relationship with their cheating girlfriend or warts and all timeline of a first-time mother's morning sickness? I don't care if your rent is going up or you got no sleep last night. Why do you feel the world needs to know?

I understand that Facebook is a support network for many of us and whilst I agree with the merits herein, some people do take it too far.

Over-share is awkward at the best of times and even moreso when aired in the forum of social networking. Not to mention seasoning this already unsavoury dish with a whole lot of unnecessary and exaggerated FMLs. At least now it's truly bad taste, rather than just bland, right? Points to you lot for not doing things by halves!

The latest generic facewhinge posts are those complaining about Facebook itself. I guess I am stooping to this trivial level of pettiness by ranting about their ranting, but really!! It's Facebook.

Guys, you need to relax mmmkay?!

It's as though these people honestly believe that their lives are worse off because the news feed is different or they changed the chat bar. It's quite ironic that the complainants utilise the very same medium to air their disdain. Do they not see how this is quietly hilarious?

Now would you like some cheese with that whine? Well, it is Friday. Don't mind if I do!

Girl of many, many words

Most of what I have to say is boring, irrelevant and borderline irritating. Always piercing into the consciousness of those around me with my endless diatribe. Should it not speak volumes to oneself when one thinks it's okay and perfectly expected that others tune right out of the majority of his or her conversations?

I wish I could stop over-vocalising. In a wobbly moment the other day I dreamed out loud about being less annoying and my sister noted that I talk half as much as I used to. Oh dear.

I guess it's quiet time now.

Follow the lines and wonder why there's no connection

I need to quit this 'baby steps' bullshit. It's all Leaps and Bounds from here!


(Title lyrics taken from The Shins - Phantom Limb)

And it was the new music

I cannot tell you how good this feels. The one thing I have been craving, lusting after, hungrily searching for yet continually coming up from dark and lonely waters - empty handed. Finally, it has found me. My perennial navel gazing must stop here, for it is time to set the wheels in motion.

I am excited. It is a new day!

At last I have... Direction.


(Title lyrics taken from Cog - The Spine)

They Know

Sometimes I worry that my thoughts are too loud. I'm one of those people who cannot hide their expression and fear this will be my greatest undoing.

Life

"It's about glowing lights and small things that are big"

- Markus Zusak - The Messenger

It's not the same, this first world tilt train bore. I would swap it for the rundown sleepers of India in a heartbeat.

I sit here with my book and my cardboard cup, longing for the unfamiliar. A travel adventure. That feeling of culture electrocution as you're hurtling head-first into a world unknown.

Send transmission through a one-armed scissor

I've realised the answer. I even drafted a long-winded blog post in response when I was still strung up on high emotion.

Now calmer, I can see this: when I deal with my personal insecurities and perpetual approval-seeking, my ego will no longer be running the show and this dark shadow will melt away.

I am generally grounded in my self-confidence and maintain an energy of positivity, when I gain enough strength and maturity to ensure these qualities are unfaltering, such angst-driven questions will be left for dust.


(Title lyrics taken from At The Drive In - One Armed Scissor)

Why does society make me feel as though I'm missing out on something I don't even want?

Impotent.

The state of the world stresses me out in that terminal helpless kind of way, constantly gnawing away at the back of my head.

War.
Famine.
Global financial crisis.
Climate change.
The US Government.
Western health.
Natural disasters.
Man-made disasters.
Blah.
Blah blah.
Blah blah blah.

It's becoming a constant drone, drilling through my consciousness, ensuring that I'm aware of how selfish yet powerless I am.

It may sound ridiculous to some, but it's beginning to wear me down. I feel a social responsibly to maybe do something about it, yet I know I'm too lazy. Too comfortable. Too weak to even raise my voice.

So the eternal guilt sets in.
The world continues to crumble whilst we all watch and wait.

It happens to the best of them right?

The dreaded emo has struck.
I feel isolated.
I feel lonely.
I feel disregarded.
For no good reason. I guess it just happens sometimes right?

A good sleep and a cracking cardio session at the gym in the morning should fix me right up.

Chin up, princess.

Ignorance Abounds

"I am not racist, I have no problems with Asians living in Asia" - title of a Facebook page

What is even more alarming is that people are actually 'liking' this page!

Disgusting. How is this even allowed?!

Some say that knowledge is power.

I feel as though knowledge is stress.

I dreamed of sharks and crazy surf last night

Covered in leopard spots and larger than a Great White, she wasn't intentionally a man-eater. Surfers just had a habit of accidentally finding themselves inside her giant mouth when caught up in the dumping storm surge that always coincided with her visits. I stood at the shoreline drinking takeaway coffee and nearly drowned only once...

Coronas and Kanye

I'm sitting out the back, just soaking in this beautiful late winter's afternoon. The sun is coming and going as it so pleases but it's still gorgeous and warm.

My positivity lately would make you vomit. This is what I was looking for. Who would have thunk it?


Song of the day: Kanye West - School Spirit

They Called Me 'The Spelling Bee'

I seem to spend an horrific amount of time turning my nose up at people's mindless grammatical errors and careless spelling mistakes. The fact that I aced all my primary school literacy does not make me a better person. I should stop shaking my head over people's Facebook statuses, tutting at poorly executed restaurant menus and spending half my shift at work pecking at the keyboard, ensuring proper nouns begin with capital letters. Ah, if only I could put a stop to these heinous crimes against our written English word!

And then the painful reality check: Honey, no one really cares these days.

Ouch, my heart. Sigh.


Whilst I'm at it, I should stop rudely butting in to bark the pleases and the thank yous in where they been omitted (accidentally, I'm sure).

What happened to us?? I am such a Nanna. I just cannot accept poor grammar and lax manners. Smarten up, Australia!

Every now and then when I'm on my own and I've hit that zen moment, I am transported back there.

My legs hanging out of the door of the train, paper cup of chai in hand, alone with the sunrise as we roar through the jungles of Kerala.

Favourite Place

Reason to live in Queensland #1: Beautiful Winter days!






(Explains my insurmountable phobia of submerged rocks!)




This was always my favourite place as a child and is still probably my most loved beach. Admittedly, I have a strong sentimental attachment to this piece of paradise however it's appeal is a bit of a no-brainer really (please refer to photographic evidence above).


It was my first time here in years without my dog who we lost over a year ago. It was his favourite place too. These pics are for you, Mookie x

'It does you good to be tenants. It reminds you of your true position in the world. A house should be a home, a privilege, not a possession. It's foolish to get attached.'

Oriel Lamb from Tim Winton's Cloudstreet

Wow.

Active Child - Hanging On

They played this last week as Triple J's fresh pick of the day or whatever and it's already becoming massive. Such an amazing, beautiful track. So much love.

Wayward Television Habits

I am so addicted to The Block right now it's kind of beyond a joke. Especially because I don't really understand why. It's really not that entertaining or dramatic, it's a lot of rehash/replay and laced with constant bang-in-your-face product placement and I am hardly into renovating!

Perhaps it's taking my mind off the fact I am... UNEMPLOYED!!! Gah. I am such a jobsearch fail right now. Boo.

Never corner a scared animal. They have no idea that you could be trying to help them. They will assume only that you mean harm.

Triple J Hottest 100 Australian Albums of All Time

One of the things that makes me feel all patriotic is any Triple J Countdown and even moreso when it's all about Australian music. If I had to choose one country only to listen to their stuff, I'd choose the land downunder for sure. And I'm not being biased - promise!

I loved listening to the Hottest 100 Australian Albums of All Time. I felt so excited and proud when Silverchair's Frogstomp was awarded second place. And although I do agree that Powderfinger's Odyssey Number Five was a well-deserved number one, I would have switched them around if it was up to me. I thought Frogstomp was going to get the top spot for sure.

I wanted to be in the front courtyard at Edward Street with Nicole, Mitch, and Jas (before awkward tension between the trio) and anyone else who could truly appreciate the moment for the opening notes of "Waiting for the Sun" and to be able to sing along uproariously to "My Happiness". Yes, I know I just said I wanted/thought Frogstomp would be number one, but Odyssey really is a true masterpiece. (Oh yeah, I secretly thought Internationalist would chart higher too).

Such a great countdown and it's making me revisit a lot of stuff from my highschool music heyday when my CD collection was my everything. So many amazing albums!

Packed!

It's a quarter past two in the morning and I am finally going to bed. Talk about leaving things until the very last minute- my sister's husband who is my friendly removalist is arriving at approx 9am and I started packing oh, about four hours ago!

I'll leave the cleaning for the morning, yeah? Ok!

I wonder when this is going to sink in?!